I got an important question from a concerned friend today. In my own words, the question was  essentially "What holistic options are available for dealing with feelings of guilt and self-blame?"

In this situation, a parent discovered that her daughter had been sexually abused by a female babysitter years ago. The daughter just revealed this truth in therapy; the parent had no idea until now. The good news is that the daughter is highly successful in school and athletics (this isn't always the case). Yet she is in therapy, which suggests to me that there are issues to be healed despite her resilience.

So, first let me say that I am happy to hear that the daughter is in therapy. In therapy, there is spaciousness and safety to explore and heal the wounds that can result from abuse. I will add that it is also a good time for the mother to participate in her own therapy, to get some support around her personal feelings from this news.

Here's the thing: none of us are "perfect" and none of us can predict the future, so we sometimes make choices that don't have the outcomes we intended. That does not mean we are bad people, worthless, stupid, or flawed; it means we are human. And as humans, we do our best and we learn from our choices, recognizing that we cannot control everything at all times.

In fact, we cannot control anything, ever! We can do our best in each situation; we can stay in our authenticity and integrity; we can make decisions based on whatever information we have in the moment... yet we cannot control all the outcomes to our choices, because there is no way that we can anticipate every possible outcome. All we can do at any time is our best. And even our best may not get us the results we are hoping for. That does not mean we made a 'mistake' or that we are at fault; it just means we could not anticipate or control every single possible outcome in a given situation - despite doing our best in the moment - because that's simply not possible!

That being said, there are some flower essences and essential oils that can support healing and balancing on a subtle energetic level for this mother (and there are others for her daughter). They can be found in health food stores such as Whole Foods (I've given several choices just in case the selection is narrow; the ones in capital letters are a great place to start):

Bach Flower Essences (or any quality brand): PINE (for guilt); Star of Bethleham (for after effects of shock); Rescue Remedy (a general tonic for the nervous system)

Young Living Essential Oils: (this is a pure brand yet there are many quality brands available)

blends: Forgiveness, Harmony, Hope, Into the Future, Release

singles: Frankincense, Neroli, Rosemary or Rosemary Verbenon, Safe, VETIVER

Flower Essences can be used in water or directly under the tongue; essential oils can be used in a number of ways (e.g., on the skin, in a bath, in a diffuser, in a mister). With sensitive skin, mix the essential oil in a neutral base oil (such as Jojoba) before applying to the skin, using in a bath, diffusing, misting, etc..

In my experience, the effects of these options are subtle yet powerful; so one day, you awake and realize that things have shifted in major ways in your internal world. Do not underestimate the potential and effectiveness of these options; available data suggests that subtle energetic shifting from aromatherapy oils and flower essences has a large impact on the body with long-term health and healing benefits (without a lot of drama).

In Chapter 11 of AD/HD Generation: Holistic Ways to Support Children, I review the history, value, and quality of aromatherapy oils and flower essences for encouraging the body to heal and harmonize itself. Check it out for more information.

Until next time, peace be.