Kids: Part 2

Hello again after a lengthy pause! I have been focused on writing my next book so these articles are taking a backseat for the next several months.

Yet today I feel inspired to follow up on my last article about getting kids to do what you want…

Let’s start by looking at three parenting styles because each style relates to a different way of interacting with children and affects how they will interact with you:

The first is the authoritarian style. This is where parents rule and are “the boss;” what you say as the parent goes and kids do not have a say. This style results in kids who feel incompetent, incapable of making decisions, afraid of making mistakes, unimportant, and as though their opinion does not matter. They tend to be insecure and lack confidence. Oftentimes these kids grow up to rebel against parents, become argumentative, do exactly what they are told not to and break rules just because they can. The authoritarian parenting style does not teach kids to trust themselves or value their feelings; in fact, these kids tend to view themselves as incompetent, unworthy and incapable.

The opposite of authoritarian parenting is the permissive style. Here, parents give in to children’s demands and allow them to do whatever they want. When they cannot do what they want, they tantrum, get angry or aggressive, and get into power struggles with parents. Under this style kids can grow up without respect for their own personal boundaries and the boundaries of others. They also tend to show a lack of respect for authority figures. They often push limits, feel they have a right to do what they want, and disregard the views and feelings of others. They do not learn to take responsibility for their behavior and they generally blame others instead.

Under the authoritarian and permissive parenting styles, getting kids to do what you want or what they need to do can be a struggle. Neither of these styles teaches kids what they need to know and feel inside to work cooperatively with you.

However, the third style – authoritative parenting – does. Under this style, parents give kids limited choices so that they learn to take responsibility for their behavior and accept the consequences of their choices. Here, kids also learn to trust their own judgement and to evaluate their choices before taking action. They are more confident and less afraid of making mistakes so tend to be more successful in life. They respect the views and feelings of others, understand and respect boundaries and limits, respect authority, and are more willing to compromise and cooperate with others.

So, the first place to explore when you want to get your child’s cooperation is your own parenting style and what it is teaching them. By making some simple shifts in how you communicate with your child, you can create a more cooperative and collaborative relationship with them.

For more information about parenting styles and such, see my book AD/HD Generation: Holistic Ways to Support Children.